It has been a long time

So after my last post i have really felt like blogging.

I still feel vary empty inside, I still see things that want me to call Matt, I am not sure when that will change. Chris is still waiting to hear about this damn job I hate waiting and i am not vary good at it.

I still have to tell Salina that i have never stopped talking to Matt, and that i did not tell her becasue I did not want to be put in the middle of her nuts of fear of him. But i am going t o tell her I am just waiting for the right time, I hope that i can do it soon beacuse I would like to post a Pic of him and the boys on my myspace and facebook. Matt was like my brother i could call on him for anything he would kill for me and the boys. I have a brother a real one, but he has nothing to do with me or the boys and that hurts it has been almost a year since we stopped talking and i am still so hurt.

I turned 32 i am ok with it my dad and his wife got an I-pod I love that thig and this death wrok out thing I am telling that thing is going to kill me. I have only done it once last night and thought i was going to die. and today my legs are killing me it says that you have to do it for 30 minuste 3 times a week bout i think i am going to do it 10 minutes 3 times a week and the work my way up i am so out of shape it is not funny. I hope by the summer to have lost 10 pounds. that will be nice.

If Chis gets this job he will be gone a lot and i am going to take the kids walking alot i live close to 6 flags so i think we may spend a lot of thime at the park this summer. I just want to be thiner then what i am now so we are relley going to work for it.

and in other news agine if Chris gets this job I am going to take that boys to see my sister and then as a fam we are going to go to Tenn. now most would not want to go to Tenn. but I do I have been one time and it was so macjal for me. now they have more vary cool stuff to do and i cant wate to go. the boys are going to have so much fun.

i think that is all i have for now.

-J